So Spring Break for both of the boys has begun... Liam had a half day of school today (Thursday since the feed seems to take a while to hit FB) and then is off Friday and Monday. Ethan's school was closed today through Tuesday. "Spring Break" isn't really meaning much for Ethan at the moment. His days are going to be mostly the same. I'm still planning on doing school work with him on Monday, if I can get Liam to not bother him while he does some lessons. But if the distraction is too big, we'll just wait until Tuesday to kick back into lessons.
Tomorrow morning, Mom is going to pick the boys up and keep them overnight. She requested to have them overnight. She also planned on getting Liam's hair trimmed before his school pictures next Wednesday. Liam is starting to look a bit like a sheep dog ;) Ethan's bangs are getting so long I'm not completely sure how he can see out through them.
I love it when Mom takes the boys overnight, but I also get really sad. I'm so used to having the little monsters around that I'm not sure what to do when they aren't here. I've never been one to want my children to go away. Yeah, I joke about it. Occasionally even beg someone to take them or to sell them to the highest bidder... but honestly, I like the little rugrats. I've known people who insist that they have to have X weekends away from their children a year. One person I knew even made a list at the start of the year pretty much saying "I don't want my children around me on these dates" and would list 2 weekends a month she wanted someone to take the kids. I'm sure she'd have shipped them off more if she could.
And really, for as much as I complain that I can't get a thing done with them under foot... I honestly don't know what to do when they AREN'T under foot. I'll have Friday afternoon, Friday evening, Friday night, and Saturday morning kid-free.... My big plans as of right now are to go to Ikea to get those magazine holders to organize my office and maybe take some allergy medicine and take a nap. Wow. Exciting! And honestly, I feel guilty about wanting to go to Ikea when the kids aren't coming with me. I'm considering doing that errand in the morning before Mom picks the kids up, just so they can go play in Smalland while I shop.
I'm just lost as to what to do without the kids around. The last 7 1/2 years they have been my entire life. Even a day away from them is just way too odd for me to be able to wrap my head around completely.
I guess in a way it's a good thing. I wasn't raised in a family who had constant babysitters. If I couldn't go somewhere with my parents, they didn't go. I did have a babysitter on occasion in my cousin Nadine (Tho I think that was more her asking to watch me than Mom asking her to watch me *lol*), and when Mom went on trips with ICES (International Cake Exploration Society), Grandma and Papa "watched" me while Dad was at work (and most of the time when he was home too since he could be quite the grump). Mom always said that she wanted me around and wanted to have me, so why would she not want to be around me?
But I can also see a big problem with this. I never really have any downtime. I don't really take anytime to take care of myself. I run until I pretty much collapse and then let the boys play video games upstairs while I sleep. Not really a good thing for me (or them more than likely).
I really should enjoy the fact that Mom is taking them overnight and do something for me. I thought about doing some cleaning, but honestly, that's something I can (and should) do when the boys are home. The weather is nice enough now to send them out back to play in the yard together while I do cleaning -- or I can set them up with a movie or a game on the wii while I clean. I should start off the day with getting a nice relaxing shower, and then do something that I can't do when I'm taking care of the boys. I know they are safe and well taken care of while she has them... and they won't drive her too insane (and if they do it's a pretty short drive). I have a cell phone on me at all times so if there is a problem, she can call me. There's really no reason why I shouldn't enjoy this.
So what should I do? Any thoughts?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Awesome evening
I've been told before that all I do is complain about the boys. I don't intend to, but I mostly use blogs and such as ways to vent after exceptionally rough days... so I suppose it does seem like all I do is complain about the boys.
Anyways, I wanted to point out a really awesome evening that I had with the boys tonight. I had hired a friend's son for manual labor around the house (he needs money, I need things done that I either haven't done or can't do, so it works out beautifully), so we dropped him off at his place and then were going to go get some food. I had thought about going out to Ikea so I could pick up some magazine holders, but the boys were overly wired and Liam hadn't finished his homework yet.
Liam was ticked off, even tho I had told him a few dozen times to finish up the last bit of homework he had so we could do something fun after we dropped off the kiddo. Nope. He would rather scream and throw a fit. Ok, fine, but then we aren't going the whole way out to Ikea when he has homework to do.
On the ride back towards the house, I started asking Liam about questions that were on his homework. Then I remembered I had a notepad in my bag. We pulled over so I could pull out the notepad and a pencil, then I told him we were going to work on the assignment on the way home. If he would work on it, then we could possibly go somewhere cool for dinner. Otherwise, we'd pick up what I needed for the rabbit, and go home.
He was pissed. He insisted he couldn't do anything without the book. I told him that I would help him to remember little details, so just quit screaming and freaking out and let's talk it out. He knew the questions that were on the paper, since they are the same each week. He had no trouble remembering those... and really, he had very little trouble remembering the parts of the story. It was like pulling teeth to get the first few easier things out, but once he got those out, he was doing really good. He ended up "finishing" the assignment even before we got to the house. We passed the house and headed off to dinner. He was quite proud of himself, as was I!
I had been trying to figure out what to do for dinner. Then I remembered I had coupons for Boston Market. I asked Liam if he wanted to go there, and he was all for it. After we ordered, I realized I didn't pick the coupons up at home, but the food was more than worth it anyways. Ethan ended up having Macaroni and Cheese with a side of Macaroni and Cheese :P Liam had a bit of an issue with picking out food since we had to avoid the gluten and casein. What he really wanted was corn. Last time we went, they told us the corn was in butter, so I told him that the corn wouldn't work. He was annoyed, but found they have a new "Garlicky Spinach" that he went for right away. The girl filling our order asked what his allergy was and I told her. She then offered to go into the back and open a new pack of corn, since when they get it in, it's plain. Liam was THRILLED! He got to have butter-free corn! :) So he had turkey with garlicky spinach, butter-free corn, and cinnamon apples. He was in heaven!
Both kids sat and ate their entire meals. No fighting. No screaming. The only dropped food on the floor was when Liam had a cinnamon apple try to run for it off of his fork. They both finished their entire plates. I ended up taking about half of mine home, but they ate all of theirs. I had some kosher dark chocolate in my purse and ended up giving each of them a piece to eat while I went to the bathroom before we left. I came back from the bathroom to see them talking nicely to each other and they had cleaned the whole table!
It was honestly the best dinner I've had with them in ages.
I was feeling a bit blah (this "spring" shit is wreaking havoc on my allergies. I hate it when things bloom. My head feels like it's going to burst.) so I said that we were just going to hit Petsmart across the street to pick up the bunny nail clippers that I wanted to get and then we'd head home. They were even pretty good in the store! I did have to talk to Ethan about randomly walking up to people and their dogs and starting to pet them, but that's not a huge deal. He was being nice and gentle (which is a big change from how he used to be), but some dogs just don't like kids, and he doesn't get that at all. He also thinks it's "awesome" when the dogs jump up on him and knock him over or lick his face.
Both boys are fast asleep and I think I am going to attempt to clip one of the bunny's nails and then go to sleep myself :)
Anyways, I wanted to point out a really awesome evening that I had with the boys tonight. I had hired a friend's son for manual labor around the house (he needs money, I need things done that I either haven't done or can't do, so it works out beautifully), so we dropped him off at his place and then were going to go get some food. I had thought about going out to Ikea so I could pick up some magazine holders, but the boys were overly wired and Liam hadn't finished his homework yet.
Liam was ticked off, even tho I had told him a few dozen times to finish up the last bit of homework he had so we could do something fun after we dropped off the kiddo. Nope. He would rather scream and throw a fit. Ok, fine, but then we aren't going the whole way out to Ikea when he has homework to do.
On the ride back towards the house, I started asking Liam about questions that were on his homework. Then I remembered I had a notepad in my bag. We pulled over so I could pull out the notepad and a pencil, then I told him we were going to work on the assignment on the way home. If he would work on it, then we could possibly go somewhere cool for dinner. Otherwise, we'd pick up what I needed for the rabbit, and go home.
He was pissed. He insisted he couldn't do anything without the book. I told him that I would help him to remember little details, so just quit screaming and freaking out and let's talk it out. He knew the questions that were on the paper, since they are the same each week. He had no trouble remembering those... and really, he had very little trouble remembering the parts of the story. It was like pulling teeth to get the first few easier things out, but once he got those out, he was doing really good. He ended up "finishing" the assignment even before we got to the house. We passed the house and headed off to dinner. He was quite proud of himself, as was I!
I had been trying to figure out what to do for dinner. Then I remembered I had coupons for Boston Market. I asked Liam if he wanted to go there, and he was all for it. After we ordered, I realized I didn't pick the coupons up at home, but the food was more than worth it anyways. Ethan ended up having Macaroni and Cheese with a side of Macaroni and Cheese :P Liam had a bit of an issue with picking out food since we had to avoid the gluten and casein. What he really wanted was corn. Last time we went, they told us the corn was in butter, so I told him that the corn wouldn't work. He was annoyed, but found they have a new "Garlicky Spinach" that he went for right away. The girl filling our order asked what his allergy was and I told her. She then offered to go into the back and open a new pack of corn, since when they get it in, it's plain. Liam was THRILLED! He got to have butter-free corn! :) So he had turkey with garlicky spinach, butter-free corn, and cinnamon apples. He was in heaven!
Both kids sat and ate their entire meals. No fighting. No screaming. The only dropped food on the floor was when Liam had a cinnamon apple try to run for it off of his fork. They both finished their entire plates. I ended up taking about half of mine home, but they ate all of theirs. I had some kosher dark chocolate in my purse and ended up giving each of them a piece to eat while I went to the bathroom before we left. I came back from the bathroom to see them talking nicely to each other and they had cleaned the whole table!
It was honestly the best dinner I've had with them in ages.
I was feeling a bit blah (this "spring" shit is wreaking havoc on my allergies. I hate it when things bloom. My head feels like it's going to burst.) so I said that we were just going to hit Petsmart across the street to pick up the bunny nail clippers that I wanted to get and then we'd head home. They were even pretty good in the store! I did have to talk to Ethan about randomly walking up to people and their dogs and starting to pet them, but that's not a huge deal. He was being nice and gentle (which is a big change from how he used to be), but some dogs just don't like kids, and he doesn't get that at all. He also thinks it's "awesome" when the dogs jump up on him and knock him over or lick his face.
Both boys are fast asleep and I think I am going to attempt to clip one of the bunny's nails and then go to sleep myself :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Update on Liam
At ECS, each kid has a "shape" for the day. Their shape starts at 'green' and then moves to 'yellow' or 'red' as behaviors indicate. For Liam's class, if they end up on 'green' at the end of the day they get $2 in classroom bucks. 'Yellow' is nothing and 'red' is that the kid owes $5 in classroom bucks.
We ended up modifying Liam's a bit more, in the hopes of being able to track his issues and then once the time is pinpointed, we can then figure out how to fix it. With Liam's he now has smilies for his day. He has two columns to get smilies: "I will make responsible choices" and "I will follow directions the first time they are given". He can get a smile for each of those two columns for each segment of the day. At the end of the day if he gets 16 or more, he gets $2; 12-15 and he gets $1; 8-11 and he gets $0; less than 8 and he owes $5. If he has any issues where he is violent, it's an automatic "red". I sign them at the end of the day (or usually at the end of the week since I scan them in for reference later).
If he gets on "red" (or has any other major issue), he needs to fill out what is called a "Think About It" sheet. This is set up like a letter to home, where he has to say what happened (ie, "I had to move my shape to red today because...." and then it says that he'll work on his behavior, learn from his mistakes, etc. and then he signs it. Then I sign it and return it.
Since he had his "incident" yesterday at dismissal, he didn't get to do his "Think About It" sheet right away like normal. He needed to do it first thing this morning. I was really worried that this would set him off again and he'd flip. Sometimes even asking about an incident days later will upset him and literally ruin the entire day. He gets so upset (or maybe anxious??) about the incident that he just seems to not be able to handle talking about it. It will cry and then completely shut down. I think he's embarrassed about what happened.
I wasn't sure what to expect for today.
I'm happy to report I was pleasantly surprised! I got an email from his teacher saying that he did AWESOME! He sat and talked to her. He was calm. CALM! He talked about ways he could have calmed himself, things he should have done instead, etc. THEN he went on to have an AWESOME day and even got 2 bonus smilies!!!
WOO HOO!!!
I completely realize that this might be the only good day we have for a month, or it could be the start of an upswing and we could have a few weeks of this before it all goes down into flames. Really, there is no way to know. I'm hoping that this is, at least, a good upswing. I think both Liam and I could use that.
But really, it's still one day at a time.
We ended up modifying Liam's a bit more, in the hopes of being able to track his issues and then once the time is pinpointed, we can then figure out how to fix it. With Liam's he now has smilies for his day. He has two columns to get smilies: "I will make responsible choices" and "I will follow directions the first time they are given". He can get a smile for each of those two columns for each segment of the day. At the end of the day if he gets 16 or more, he gets $2; 12-15 and he gets $1; 8-11 and he gets $0; less than 8 and he owes $5. If he has any issues where he is violent, it's an automatic "red". I sign them at the end of the day (or usually at the end of the week since I scan them in for reference later).
If he gets on "red" (or has any other major issue), he needs to fill out what is called a "Think About It" sheet. This is set up like a letter to home, where he has to say what happened (ie, "I had to move my shape to red today because...." and then it says that he'll work on his behavior, learn from his mistakes, etc. and then he signs it. Then I sign it and return it.
Since he had his "incident" yesterday at dismissal, he didn't get to do his "Think About It" sheet right away like normal. He needed to do it first thing this morning. I was really worried that this would set him off again and he'd flip. Sometimes even asking about an incident days later will upset him and literally ruin the entire day. He gets so upset (or maybe anxious??) about the incident that he just seems to not be able to handle talking about it. It will cry and then completely shut down. I think he's embarrassed about what happened.
I wasn't sure what to expect for today.
I'm happy to report I was pleasantly surprised! I got an email from his teacher saying that he did AWESOME! He sat and talked to her. He was calm. CALM! He talked about ways he could have calmed himself, things he should have done instead, etc. THEN he went on to have an AWESOME day and even got 2 bonus smilies!!!
WOO HOO!!!
I completely realize that this might be the only good day we have for a month, or it could be the start of an upswing and we could have a few weeks of this before it all goes down into flames. Really, there is no way to know. I'm hoping that this is, at least, a good upswing. I think both Liam and I could use that.
But really, it's still one day at a time.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Minor accomplishment
This is going to be a quick post since I'm sleepy and really want to go to sleep, but I didn't want to go to sleep without at least writing down the good thing that happened today.
Liam had an iffy day at school, which ended in a bad day. I got a call from his teacher a few minutes after he got onto the bus and she said that something happened and he ended up hitting another kid in the face. She said it took three teachers to get him to calm down and get to his bus.
Now, you are more than likely confused since I said something good happened today. No, I didn't hate the kid he hit -- matter of fact, I like the kid. That's not the part that I'm happy about in the slightest.
I talked to his teacher for bit to try to figure out what our game plan is from here. We are lucky with how much Liam's teachers have been willing to work with us so far. All of his teachers so far have been really helpful and really do care about him.
Anyways, I had been working on school lessons with Ethan when she called. I went back to his lessons when I got off the phone and started formulating my own game plan for what to do when Liam got home. Last night we had hours of screaming, crying, throwing things, and even had Liam smacking himself against the doors and walls during his fit. I really didn't want a repeat of that tonight. I had a meeting to go to, so I also didn't want to leave the house in the middle of a screaming fit.
When Liam got home, I let him in and asked how his day was. He told me 'yellow'. I asked if he was sure and he looked at me, sighed and said it was 'red'. I told him I had already talked to his teacher since she was worried about him and we didn't want him to keep having these kind of days. Then I dropped it. Told him to grab a snack and then bring his backpack into the room. When he came in, I asked what homework he had, and set up a TV show for Ethan and told Liam he could watch it. After about 30 mins, I called Liam upstairs. I brought his math homework and his reading homework up with me.
He was a bit crabby about going up, but went up and sat with me in bed. I showed him the mp3 player that he'll be able to use on the bus (this is a technique to get him to ignore the bully who keeps picking on him, so the bully can get in trouble instead of Liam getting so upset that he attacks the bully and then he gets kicked off the bus), then I asked him if he could talk about what happened at school. He did whine and start a bit of a fit, but I just told him that I needed to know what happened so we could all work together so he didn't have days like this.
Surprisingly, it didn't take much more than that. I won't go into detail about exactly what he told me, but he said was playing around with boy #1 and then tried to continue with boy #2, but I'm guessing he had gotten himself too riled up and excited and ended up either actually hitting boy #2 or coming close enough to make boy #2 think he tried to hit him and it got translated to a hit. Either way, he thought he was playing and then as far as he knew, it turned into him being told he hit someone -- which led to a melt down.
He actually talked for quite some time about the whole thing. I think I might have gotten him to at least understand why the other kid thought he got hit (I decided to compromise a bit and not push whether or not the kid actually got hit. Even a close call was enough in my opinion for what I was trying to do). I also tried to emphasize that he can't just fall to the ground and have a total melt down, requiring three teachers to calm him down. If something isn't right, he needs to talk about it and not flip. His tantrums can be pretty major. He's a tall kid and he's strong. He broke my nose when he was littler, and I'm pretty sure if he went into a full tantrum, he could easily inflict a lot of accidental damage. I don't want that to happen to anyone else, and I don't want him to have to deal with that guilt on top of all of this other shit. I've seen him feel really bad after injuring me or Ethan.
Anyways, from that, he did his math worksheet and a good chunk of his reading. When I left for my meeting, I told him what I wanted him to do of the rest of his reading since we want to do something tomorrow evening and then the Autism Awareness event on Thursday. I told him that I wanted as much done as possible so we didn't have to deal with it tomorrow/Thursday. When I came home, he had done almost everything. He only had a little bit left, which will be easy for him to finish up tomorrow night... as long as we can deal without a tantrum again...
Liam had an iffy day at school, which ended in a bad day. I got a call from his teacher a few minutes after he got onto the bus and she said that something happened and he ended up hitting another kid in the face. She said it took three teachers to get him to calm down and get to his bus.
Now, you are more than likely confused since I said something good happened today. No, I didn't hate the kid he hit -- matter of fact, I like the kid. That's not the part that I'm happy about in the slightest.
I talked to his teacher for bit to try to figure out what our game plan is from here. We are lucky with how much Liam's teachers have been willing to work with us so far. All of his teachers so far have been really helpful and really do care about him.
Anyways, I had been working on school lessons with Ethan when she called. I went back to his lessons when I got off the phone and started formulating my own game plan for what to do when Liam got home. Last night we had hours of screaming, crying, throwing things, and even had Liam smacking himself against the doors and walls during his fit. I really didn't want a repeat of that tonight. I had a meeting to go to, so I also didn't want to leave the house in the middle of a screaming fit.
When Liam got home, I let him in and asked how his day was. He told me 'yellow'. I asked if he was sure and he looked at me, sighed and said it was 'red'. I told him I had already talked to his teacher since she was worried about him and we didn't want him to keep having these kind of days. Then I dropped it. Told him to grab a snack and then bring his backpack into the room. When he came in, I asked what homework he had, and set up a TV show for Ethan and told Liam he could watch it. After about 30 mins, I called Liam upstairs. I brought his math homework and his reading homework up with me.
He was a bit crabby about going up, but went up and sat with me in bed. I showed him the mp3 player that he'll be able to use on the bus (this is a technique to get him to ignore the bully who keeps picking on him, so the bully can get in trouble instead of Liam getting so upset that he attacks the bully and then he gets kicked off the bus), then I asked him if he could talk about what happened at school. He did whine and start a bit of a fit, but I just told him that I needed to know what happened so we could all work together so he didn't have days like this.
Surprisingly, it didn't take much more than that. I won't go into detail about exactly what he told me, but he said was playing around with boy #1 and then tried to continue with boy #2, but I'm guessing he had gotten himself too riled up and excited and ended up either actually hitting boy #2 or coming close enough to make boy #2 think he tried to hit him and it got translated to a hit. Either way, he thought he was playing and then as far as he knew, it turned into him being told he hit someone -- which led to a melt down.
He actually talked for quite some time about the whole thing. I think I might have gotten him to at least understand why the other kid thought he got hit (I decided to compromise a bit and not push whether or not the kid actually got hit. Even a close call was enough in my opinion for what I was trying to do). I also tried to emphasize that he can't just fall to the ground and have a total melt down, requiring three teachers to calm him down. If something isn't right, he needs to talk about it and not flip. His tantrums can be pretty major. He's a tall kid and he's strong. He broke my nose when he was littler, and I'm pretty sure if he went into a full tantrum, he could easily inflict a lot of accidental damage. I don't want that to happen to anyone else, and I don't want him to have to deal with that guilt on top of all of this other shit. I've seen him feel really bad after injuring me or Ethan.
Anyways, from that, he did his math worksheet and a good chunk of his reading. When I left for my meeting, I told him what I wanted him to do of the rest of his reading since we want to do something tomorrow evening and then the Autism Awareness event on Thursday. I told him that I wanted as much done as possible so we didn't have to deal with it tomorrow/Thursday. When I came home, he had done almost everything. He only had a little bit left, which will be easy for him to finish up tomorrow night... as long as we can deal without a tantrum again...
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